Knightboat gives us his Top Ten Tips for Making it Big in the Glasgow indie music scene!

1.Start an Art-Band with pretensions to make cool “pop” music. Have a silly name! Like Rickmoranismoronic. You should get a flat near Sauchiehall Street, or even better in the West End - because it’s Dead Cool.

2.Keep accompanying scenesters to parties after Optimo every week so that you can call the scenesters your “friends”. Try to shag a bird out of some other Glasgow band with a silly name!

3.Reference Franz Ferdinand’s 1st album as your bible and hope to bump into Kapranos on a night out! Make sure to tell him you love him!

4.Play 3 gigs – at Sleazys, an art gallery and, er, probably Sleazys again - and wonder why you haven’t been signed yet. Get a 7 inch single made. (Don’t bother with getting any CDs made, everybody has a CD player and they’re far too straightforward!)

5.Do an interview with the Daily Record Razz girls (but make it clear to them you only read the Guardian) & ask Billy Sloan to list your 7 inch record on his radio show (whilst making it clear to him that you only actually ever listen to “Beats in Space”)!

6.Take a 1 single deal! Hit the town and tell all your scenester friends that you are going places on the Glasgow indie scene.

7.Realise that the Glasgow music scene can’t operate without everybody stabbing everybody else in the back. Why should we all help each other?

8.Grit your teeth as bands in Glasgow are overlooked while Dundee becomes the scene for “Lad Rock”. Perhaps this is the right time to add a football chant to the middle of 1 of your songs?

9.Share a beer with fellow failed-scenester-bands-who-didn’t-actuaklly-have-any-proper-tunes and discuss that that it would have been great to have been playing in Glasgow during the Chemikal Heydays

10. Start your course!

Knightboat

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