Tolywoly’s 5 Things You Can’t Make Jokes About
(Boo! Hiss!)

Incest
There’s nothing wrong with a bit of incest. Or so Jerry Lee Lewis thought when he married his 13 year old cousin in the 50s. And to be fair, they’re still happily married today. What’s more, their mutant inbred children were used to populate the Scottish town of Falkirk.

The Gays
In this hyper-sensitive PC age you can’t make fun of the gays no more. Which is a shame, because I’ve recently become aware of a rather amusing/uncomfortable sexual technique practiced by gay men in Glasgow, know as the ‘Five Finger Supper’. Shame on you gay people!

The Krankies
There’s nothing funny about participating in group sex with an elderly female midget dressed as a school boy. In any other civilised country in the world it would land you in prison! Fandabidozi - I don’t think so!?! You’d have to be out of your tree; or beanstalk as the case may be.

Jobbies
Billy Connelly trademarked the phrase ‘a wee jobbie’ in 1973 and has since gone on to exhaust all Jobbie related humour in the English language. He’ll sue anyone who tries to use the expression anyway, so don’t even bother trying. ‘Big Jobbies’ on the other hand are fair game. But there’s nothing funny about them; they can hurt!

Neds
Cracking a joke about these stab-happy little toe-rags could now land you in court! It’s true. Neds seem to have acquired their own highly motivated lobby group the SNP. There’s currently legislation moving forward to eliminate the tax on Mayfair cigarettes. And instead of bringing back free school milk, bottles of Poppers will now be distributed twice a day at break time. And what’s the source of all these barmy ideas? That’s right, the SNP-led Falkirk council.

This banter was originally published in the Pin Ups fanzine in September 2007.

<< Back to Fanzine